Headlines: Bush elected new Pope, humans furious
In a political move that has shocked the religous and secular world to a new, deeper core, the Vatican today anounced that President G.W. Bush will replace recently deceased Pope John Paul II as head of the Catholic church. Vatican deliberations considering the matter lasted a record 45 minutes, with the decision pronounced shortly after noon today. Vatican sources say that, in addition to the requisite conglomeration of cardinals, present at the deliberations were international cash-monger Dick Cheney and Mr. Bush himself, both of whom denied any knowledge of the recent death of three cardinals found in a sewer near St. Peters Basilica friday.
In a press conference given shortly after the announcement was made, Mr. Bush addressed a perplexed and awnry world: "I would like to let the world know today, that, today will be a new day; a day of hope, peace, proseperity, and relentless freedom spreading. " After discussing at length the legitimacy of his ascension to power, Mr. Bush quoted the bible repeatedly, citing many passages which, upon his interpretation, suggested that his approach to geo-political affairs was true, just, and ina accordance with the 'gentle hand of God'. More than twelve thousand are dead in the streets of London, Los Angeles, New York, Paris, and Amersterdam as waves of widespread looting and killing sweep the globe.
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Reuters: Local Boy Makes Good, Writes Humorous Blog Entry
Goleta product Kevin Minor has done it again.
His latest blog publication is causing a real stir on the net and in the world at large.
A seasoned pontificator, and owner of a Telecaster guitar, Mr. Minor stands at a godly seven foot nine inches.
"Well, ya know, I'm just tryin' to do my thing dawg."
Always modest, Kevin holds a thirty-two ounce beverage in one hand and an XBOX controller in the other.
Minor's musings, heretofore having been appreciated by only five or six close friends, are now being recognized globally for their incisive brilliance and glossy sex appeal.
It's no doubt that this young fighter will achieve domination of the planet in short order.
His upcoming masterwork, a new bible comprising all of his deepest self-referential, mind-raping brain-busters, is due for publication in 2010.
"Hopefully it'll be a lot like that episode of Star Trek TNG where they are going to introduce a paradox in to the Borg collective to stir things up."
With no overreaching plot, it will be a collage of ideas and short snippets taken from Minor's purest moments of thought.
Drug fueled?
Perhaps.
Sizeable?
This reporter thinks so.
On a lighter note: Computer programmer Cory Hertzburg has developed a sneaky method of writing blog responses inside his C++ code editor, then copy-pasting them such that he appears to be working diligently.
Friday night.
Clean.
Write more stuff.
When you got that glow... you fear no one.
When you got that glow, your body's hopin' you don't let go of the power of elevation!
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